haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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