google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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