Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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