Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dicks are not precious.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
