____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
