I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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