Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
