I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
