i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize