I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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