okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
