Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
