The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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