every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
True strength comes from lack of pants
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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