I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
