she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
