He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
