I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
