we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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