i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
