Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize