You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
