What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
