She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
operation have a gay friend backfired
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have fence marks all over my body
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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