Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
