that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
