I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
