i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
