on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
