the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
