Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
