She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize