if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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