she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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