Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
