She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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