i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
