at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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