this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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