And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
