just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
did i just pee glitter
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
