Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
