She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
