I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
