hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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