there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
