Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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