**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
