Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
