Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You've changed since you got that strap on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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