Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
