she looked like the before picture.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
