I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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