So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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