We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
