don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
