What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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