dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
