; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
