WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize