I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
