oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
