Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
