you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
