definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
