I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
