As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
