I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
