i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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