how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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