my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
