haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
