R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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