and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
