So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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