You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
