He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
