Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
