I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize