Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
