I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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