if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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