I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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