Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize