$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
