the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
