somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
