How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize