Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
