You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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