Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
