How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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