he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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