other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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