found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
