My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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