She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
