I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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